8 p.m. ….

A brief but strong impression hit me yesterday as I set the house alarm and left Irene at 4.30 a.m.  I was preparing to drive to Sacramento for a series of business meetings that obviously began very early in the morning!  To frame the intense feeling, here is some background and please forgive the personal reference ….

I’ve always been athletic, extremely competitive, was a cop (SWAT Team, undercover narcotics and major crimes task force) for 10 years, an elected politician and the breadwinner of our home.  I’m in the “risk transfer” business.  I have always perceived myself to be the spiritual leader (actually, the family priest) and consummate “protector” of Irene and our family.  For the last 20+ years every time I leave the house, I “bless” my family …. by literally raising my right arm and open palm in the direction of each person wherever they may be …. Irene, Jocelyn and JoAnna, and ask God to bless and protect each of them that day.

So, here’s what hit me as I was SETTING THE BURGLAR and FIRE ALARM, LOCKING the door, and entering the garage …. I thought, “I can’t protect my family against amyloid”.  I can set the alarm and endeavor to do all that I can within my power to “protect” but this worthy enemy called amyloid is a very significant threat to overcome.  Even the “risk transfer” component of a healthy diet and exercise mantra is irrelevant.  The disease does not discriminate.  Healthy or not, it can strike anyone at anytime.  Candidly, it was a hard hitting, frustrating feeling, which was, truthfully, extremely overwhelming to consider.

I thought again about Eldredge’s book, “Wild at Heart”, which identifies the three core needs of a man ….

• A battle to fight
• An adventure to live
• A Beauty to rescue

Jumping into “WARRIOR” mode was the natural response when Irene’s symptoms were first diagnosed and we were in “emergency mode” throughout the three month hospital stay.  My initiative was to fight the enemy and was literally in “a beauty to rescue” mode …. fitting perfectly into a man’s greatest needs …. but it dawned on me yesterday …. “I couldn’t protect her from amyloid ….”

Sue Martinez picked Irene up from dialysis treatment today. Irene rested this afternoon and ate a light dinner that Jocelyn fixed for her before going home from work.  It’s very convenient for us to be right in the middle of Jocelyn’s apartment and her office!!!

So what do we do when we encounter something completely out of our control?  Something so immense, so enormous, so colossal, that we’re unable to make any progress overcoming the challenge on our own.  In fact, the mere stature of the beast is intimidating and overwhelming to even contemplate.  So, what do we do?  For me, we completely surrender to Him who is in control.  We entrust ourselves to Him who is faithful.

Thanks for caring.

Caminando con Fé
Dave