9 p.m. ….
What have I taken for granted ….? What is my “highest and most significant calling” at this juncture of life ….? How do we move forward in a “world” that is suddenly turned upside down and a paradox to that which we were experiencing ….?
Those are just a few of the many questions that I have grappled with since Irene was hospitalized at UCSF and where I was literally living for almost three months. Now that Irene is recovering at home, this peculiar and mysterious season has caused me “pause” related to many of our existing commitments and that of maintaining a well functioning house and home.
During this pause, I reflect upon the many times that I would come back to an empty house about once a week when Irene was at UCSF. It was very peculiar and surreal, knowing that Irene was lying in a hospital bed with an extremely rare disease, in harm’s way and about 100 miles away. I would hurriedly scramble through the “lonely” house to take care of necessary duties, i.e. laundry, water plants, pay bills, check for leaky faucets etc., dart here and there for local errands and finally rush back to San Francisco.
These new circumstances also cause me pause vocationally and avocation ally. It’s caused me to ask myself “To what am I giving most of my waking hours and my most productive years?” and “Does what I do really matter?” “And, if the answer is yes, to whom does it matter?”
The pause has especially caused me to further contemplate the TEMPORAL as opposed to the ETERNAL.
I appreciate what Ken Boa shares in his book, Conformed to His Image:
“People think they want pleasure, recognition, popularity, status, and power, but the pursuit of these things leads to emptiness, delusion, and foolishness. God has set eternity in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11), and our deepest desires are fulfillment (love, joy, peace), reality (that which does not fade away), and wisdom (skill in living). The only path to this true fulfillment lies in consciously choosing God’s value system over that which this world offers. This choice is based on trusting in a Person we have not yet seen.”
“And though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:8-9
Irene had a great day, even amidst the chronic nausea battle. She is not one to hold a pity party and wants to get on with life! Our first objective this morning was to purchase an ergonomic bed wedge which we located at a nearby medical supplies store. After that we casually strolled through a local nursery where she took great delight in the aroma of various plant and flower varieties. We then meandered through the new Home Depot and bought a garden hose for her “wisteria” garden. Finally, we grabbed a slice of Pleasure Point Pizza and ate overlooking the Art & Wine Festival and beautiful day in Capitola Village. After the busy outing Irene took a very long, satisfying nap!! Then, to my surprise, she was in the backyard flower garden for two more hours!!! The only challenge was when she slipped and fell onto her tailbone on the garden hillside; certainly a scary moment as I gathered her up in my arms but she “shook it off” and went back to the “wisteria garden” for more …. see the photo below (taken after her fall)!!!! What’s that ad? “…. takes a lickin’ but keeps on tickin’ ….”
Life can be full of challenging questions. It’s how we contemplate, navigate and answer the ultimate questions of life that determine the measure and quality of our true fulfillment. Circumstances may cause us pause, but we cannot “TiVo” life. But pausing occasionally is good thing, for to deeply reflect and meditate is something that many of us rarely do with discipline. The “noise” of life simply gets in the way. For Irene and me our “pause” is put into “play” when we intentionally choose God’s ways over our ways and the eternal over the temporal. We know that our days on this earth are numbered and that our finite understanding can only be fully realized as we walk by faith and not by sight, loving, believing and trusting in the Person we have yet to see face to face.
Caminando con Fé
Dave
