Author Archive for: DaveDias

Wikipedia defines BONK as “hitting the wall.” “In endurance sports such as cycling and running, hitting the wall or the bonk describes a condition caused by the depletion of glycogen stores in the liver andmuscles, which manifests itself by sudden fatigue and loss of energy. Milder instances can be remedied by brief rest and the ingestion of food or drinks containing carbohydrates. The condition can usually be avoided by ensuring that glycogen levels are high when the exercise begins, maintaining glucose levels during exercise by eating or drinking carbohydrate-rich substances, or by reducing exercise intensity.”

How would you like to HIT THE WALL 3 days a week for more than 6 years?  What would it feel like for YOU to HIT the wall and, in addition …. to KNOW with certainty that you’re going to hit the wall?  The anticipation is emotionally as brutal as the BONK itself.  As Irene regrettably drives to dialysis on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, she anticipates not only the experience which she must endure; she also anticipates the “AFTER-ward” affect which usually lasts through the entire night …. fighting CRAMPS, unrelenting ARM PAIN in her fistula region where the needles puncture through her skin and, of course, the 24/7 nausea.  I continue to describe the nausea as that of the SURF of the sea …. sometimes the surf is UP and sometimes the surf is DOWN …. but the surf is ever-present.

Irene’s in recovery mode this evening …. and it’s horrific.  However, if her pattern remains true, she’ll battle throughout the entire night and shake herself off tomorrow morning, tending tasks throughout the day with badgering, chronic fatigue and relentless nausea.  Her arm pain has also become chronic; she is soooooooooooo looking forward to her vascular surgeon visit with Dr. Eichler at UCSF in a couple of weeks.  Her “invisible disability” is masked so well by her victorious attitude that people who see her on non-dialysis days scarcely believe that anything plagues her at all.

I, too, can scarcely believe her poise & buoyancy after 6+ years on this surreal journey.  Although very difficult to face physically

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Thanks for checking in.  It’s been almost a month since I’ve done an update because there’s no substantial change relative Irene’s journey of faith. I’ve been using a term for quite some time to describe the pendulum of human emotion at this juncture … which is that she is “living in the tension of ambiguity.”

Tension is defined as:

the act of stretching or straining.
the state of being stretched or strained.

Ambiguity is defined as:

doubtfulness or uncertainty of meaning or intention: to speak with ambiguity; an ambiguity of manner.
an unclear, indefinite, or equivocal word, expression, meaning, etc.

Synonyms
1. vagueness, deceptiveness. 2. equivocation.

“Living in the tension of ambiguity” for more than 6 years affects all areas of one’s life.  We’re both grateful for prioritization of those issues that matter most….Faith, Family & Friends.

Irene’s right calf severely cramped during dialysis treatment today and she pulled the emergency cord for the first time in 6 years. She is grateful for a capable medical team surrounding the experience.  She’s nauseated, exhausted and endeavoring to recover as she looks forward to the refreshment of a new day “living in the tension of ambiguity”.

Thanks for caring,

Dave

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For the last six years I’ve been inspired by Irene’s courage on this surreal journey.  I’ve shared on many occasions that you can see Jesus in Irene’s eyeballs.  Those that know Irene best confirm that observation.

We left the house for UCSF at O’Dark-Thirty this morning for an Ultra Sound and visit with Irene’s Vascular Surgery team because she’s been experiencing excruciating pain after about an hour of dialysis treatment since last Wednesday.  Since her treatment lasts about 3.5 hours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you’ll deduce very quickly how much time she’s endured such agony.  The news today was mixed; the good news is that from an anatomical and scientific perspective, her dialysis fistula and cadaver vein are functional; the bad news is that there’s no easy explanation nor is there an elegant mitigation of her forearm pain.  So, it’s both painful physical and emotionally at this time.  Painfully hard, EMOTIONALLY, because Irene’s resigned to the acute awareness of what’s awaiting when she arrives at the dialysis center.  Painfully hard, PHYSICALLY, because Irene is reconciled to the acute awareness of the pain which she must sorely endure.

We’ll be exploring several brainstorming ideas and asking a lot of questions about how to alleviate the unyielding agony….is there a cream, is there a non-narcotic, fast acting and short duration protocol which can be attempted,  is there….what…?

In the meantime, her demeanor remains determined to defy the odds and overcome the adverse circumstances set before her.  She inspires and humbles me.  Those who know her best, see Jesus in her eyeballs.

Thanks for caring,

Dave

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