Jocelyn’s Journal

His Strength is Perfect

Dear Mom,

Over the last three weeks I have found immense comfort in Steven Curtis Chapman’s song His Strength is Perfect

Specifically, the verse ”We can only know/the power that He holds/when we truly see how deep our weakness goes/His strength in us begins/where ours comes to an end/He hears our humble cry and proves again/His strength is perfect when our strength is gone/He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on/Raised in His power, the weak become strong/His strength is perfect”

I truly saw how deep our weakness goes as I saw you struggle through the last week. I am so blessed to see you raised in His power as you continually become strong.

I woke up from a dream sometime around 4:30, this morning and pictured you sitting in your hospital bed with a banquet table spread out before you, anything you could imagine to eat was there before you, and you were feasting. When I got in the shower this morning I kept singing:

He brought me to his banqueting table
His banner over me is love
He brought me to his banqueting table
His banner over me is love
He brought me to his banqueting table
His banner over me is love
His banner over me is love
I am my beloved’s and he is mine
His banner over me is love
I am my beloved’s and he is mine
His banner over me is love
I am my beloved’s and he is mine
His banner over me is love
His banner over me is love

…and I was reminded that DAVID means BELOVED. God, and Dad, have faithfully seen you through this, and I am grateful from the bottom of my heart for my two Fathers who demonstrate unconditional love – true love – to you, and to our family.

Soon Dad will be picking up Spicy Tuna from Sushi on the Run in Aptos for you, Mom, and you will feast on it and whatever else your heart desires.

Bless the Lord, O my soul
And all that is within me
Bless His holy name
Bless the Lord, O my soul
And forget not all His benefits
Who heals all your diseases
Who redeems your life from destruction
Who crowns you with lovingkindness

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How quickly things have changed. I never would have guessed in February when my mom’s cholesterol spiked that the valley of the shadow of death lay ahead. Yet, here we are.

We don’t know the outcome, we only know that our happy lives in which we were steadily plugging along have forever been altered. Right now, my mom is resting in sedation, experiencing “rebirth” – healing…struggling. But it is not in vain. Because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Rm 5:3&4).

When I woke up this morning, my mom’s smiling face greeted me as it does every morning from the picture I put up of her beside my bed of her smiling at Thanksgiving dinner. As I smiled back at the picture and thanked God for blessing our family by healing my mom, I basked in the Peace of God and a vision of a cocoon settled in my mind.

We: my dad, mom, sister and I, have been living the life of happy fat little caterpillars, plugging along enjoying the Fruits of The Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control (Gal 5:22&23). God has truly met all of our needs and blessed us beyond anything we could imagine. Now with our present sufferings we are in a waiting space…everything has changed. We are in a cocoon: the valley of the shadow of death, being still, knowing He is God, resting in trust and obedience, awaiting metamorphosis.

The restricting cocoon and struggle required for a butterfly to get through the tiny opening when it is time to emerge was by God’s design to force fluid from the body of the butterfly (once a fat little caterpillar) into it’s wings so it is ready for flight once it achieves freedom from the cocoon.

God does not give His children anything we cannot handle.

17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. 18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory

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Got Miracles?

Strength, Comfort, Rest

Trusting Mom will be home for her Birthday – healing, is the Hope that we have.  Right now my mom needs Prayer Warriors to rise up and request of the Lord to work a miracle that she will not need pain medication.

The medication dosage needed to provide relief to her agonizing bones tears up her stomach.  Even at total health my mom was hesitant to take ibuprofen because it reacted uncomfortably with her stomach.  Please request of God to work a miracle for her to rest comfortably without further abrasion to her body so she can heal.

It is also my prayer that she will be able to rest comfortably with the humidifier on her face to help her breathe.  Her mouth and throat are dry from the Chemo, and although the humidified air would help, she doesn’t like the tubes, and elastic that is constantly stuck to her.

Seeing her discomfort is crushing to my spirit, but even in suffering, Mom remains strong.  In surrender she said today, “Just tell me what I have to do so I can go home.”

Just rest mom, rest and let God heal you, he accepts our prayers, and has heard our cry for mercy.

2 Be merciful to [Irene], LORD, for [she is] faint;
O LORD, heal [her], for [her] bones are in agony.
3 [Her] soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver [Irene];
save [her] because of your unfailing love.
5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 [We are] worn out from groaning;
all night long [we] flood [our] bed(s) with weeping
and drench [the] couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow…
9 The LORD has heard [our] cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts [our] prayer(s).
Psalm 6:2-7,9
11 Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.
12 Remember the wonders he has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.
I Chronicles 16:11-12


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