No Pain, No Gain and Know Pain, Know Gain

Most of us will avoid pain at almost any cost.  And, as parents we don’t want our children to experience the many pains that we may have experienced so we go to extremes to try and isolate them from any adverse life experience.

However, here’s the question: should we avoid pain at any cost, or, as a contrarian, is pain something we should actually embrace for our own good?  Or, is it masochistic to even dare ask such a question…?

I think about this wise adage handed down over the years:

  It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:2

I suppose the answer to my question is obvious, that many of life’s biggest lessons flow from a painful experience.  Yet, most of us remain vigilant at avoiding pain unless it is thrust upon us…

I have always concluded that the “No pain no gain” philosophy is a literal challenge.  In other words, embrace the pain and ultimately profit from the experience.  I have used this as motivation to stay physically fit, pushing myself to my limits of physical pain in order to enjoy the supposed long term wellness benefits.  Certainly, however, I will be quick to add that our categorical thinking on that specific conclusion is challenged with Irene’s rare diagnosis of Amyloid since she took care of herself prior to the onset of the disease.  After all, our thoughts conclude that if one eats well, has moderate exercise, doesn’t consume alcohol and doesn’t smoke cigarettes that one will live a healthy life, right????

Know Pain, Know Gain approaches the matter at a stratospheric level.  Irene knows pain (and suffering I might add) for an extended season of her life….and she also knows GAIN.  As the amyloid has invaded her physical body so has spiritual gain invaded Irene’s experience.  Her spiritual perspective and insights have taken her to an exponential spiritual epiphany on a variety of fronts.  Candidly, while I deal with the journey with much fight or flight mentality, frustration and, dare I confess, anger, her maturity dwarfs my infantile approach to it all.  She takes all of it in stride…..and, candidly, it baffles me as to how she endures with such inner strength, poise and dignity.

I know, this confession of mine is probably a surprise to some who are reading this update, but, candidly, I would be less than honorable to deny the reality of my experience.  In all transparency and admission, in many ways I am grieving the life we once had and the life we could have had and I am intimately aware of the grieving stages……..

1) Denial:
•  Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
•  Example – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
2) Anger:
•  Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
Example – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
3) Bargaining:
•  The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”
•  Example – “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
4) Depression:
•  During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
•  Example – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die . . . What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
5) Acceptance:
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  There’s just too much fight in me to ACCEPT the circuitous journey that this road has led so far…

Know Pain Know Gain is a lofty aspiration…..because for me, at least for now, I am concluding that the pain of it all isn’t producing the kind of response that I observe in Irene……it must have a lot to do with spiritual maturity….and I am just not there…..at least right now……

I long for the day of acceptance…..the day and season that I can take all of this in stride…..and can boldly and honestly declare that knowing pain will result in knowing gain…..

In the meantime, my model and mentor is Irene, who is doing the real heavy lifting…..and humbly observe her response…knowing that her heart is willingly surrendered and accepting of all that the Almghty God, in his Sovereign Will, decrees from on high.

In the meantime, the lofty goal remains:

No Pain, No Gain and Know Pain, Know Gain

Forgive my rambling…and thanks for caring,
Dave